Two unlikely yet powerful companions: Career & Compassion
When I set out to write KNOCK in 2014, I had an instinct that our world was in need of more quality and less quantity, especially when it came to how we build our professional networks. Who knew that in 2020, our lives would be stripped down to the basics – food, water, shelter, health, and core relationships? (I wish it wasn’t such a drastic shift, but the shift to quality – quality cooking and quality time with loved ones – surely is welcome.)
It turns out that we need people in our lives — we need community, just as we need nourishment and shelter and safety.
Tom Rath and Jim Harter call this “Social Wellbeing” in their book, Wellbeing. They assert, “There is something about having close friendships in general that is good for our physiological health.” They add that quality relationships – friends, family, professional colleagues provide support during tough times, which has a positive affect on heart health and stress mitigation.
I was intrigued by the scientific proof that humans need humans – even those of us who are introverts. And, what a confusing paradox we’ve been living in during the pandemic – we need to avoid human contact to stay healthy, yet we need human connection and high quality relationships in our lives — perhaps even more so because we’re avoiding human contact.
One social psychology topic that I stumbled upon was compassion. Sure, it sounds warm and fuzzy and obvious – obviously we should be nice to others, but what of it?
What is compassion?
Once I read Compassionomics by Stephen Trzeciak and Anthony Mazzarelli, my eyes opened. Many of us have been walking around thinking that compassion means niceness. Like the golden rule, or treat others kindly – which at this point, should be a given. But, actually, compassion is packed with much more power than that. Their book states:
“Compassion is action, empathy is feeling.”
Instantly, I got it. We can’t just listen and feel for others, although we should do this at a minimum. We must act to help alleviate their suffering. When someone is aching, we try to mend their pain. When they’re crying, we offer some Kleenex. When someone is hungry, we provide food. When someone needs rest, we can provide it.
I further learned by reading Awakening Compassion at Work by Dr. Jane Dutton and Monica Worline, and after having a series of virtual video calls with Jane, my mind expanded. Their research highlights that even in the workplace, to have a compassionate culture, we must notice suffering exists in the organization, understand where the suffering is coming from in an effort to respond thoughtfully, feel concern for the affected people, and take action to alleviate the suffering in some way.
Does compassion fit in at work?
Have you needed to ask your manager for a personal day? Have you had to step away for an unexpected doctor’s appointment? Have you had to ask for grace while multitasking family and work responsibilities during the workday now that many of us are homebound? We’ve all needed compassion, even at work, but we need to feel psychologically safe and confident enough to open up to ask for time, an ear, or help.
Does compassion fit in at work? It certainly should. This is a year where we need to come together as a community – whichever communities you belong to, wherever they are, however they’re connecting (Zoom, much?) If we strip business down to the human level, everyone we work with – clients, colleagues, teams, managers, CEOs, patients, partners – has missed and missed out on something this year. And loss creates suffering. And suffering has negative effects on our health. So, we need to heal after we suffer, and if we’re lucky, some of that healing may come from our workplace or those in our work community.
Contributing to a compassionate workplace is one way to get through our personal or global trials and tribulations together. And, compassionate workplaces naturally attract and retain talent and business, and contribute to productivity and profitability. (Kim S. Cameron, David Bright, and Arran Caza in “Exploring the Relationship between Organizational Virtuousness and Performance.”)
What does compassion really mean? At the root of the word, ‘com’ means together and ‘passion’ means strong emotion.
Together, we can feel with each other the hardships, the loss, the fear, the anxiety, and the yearn for in-person healthy human interaction. But, what can we do to alleviate that suffering for others, including in the workplace?
In my immediate work community, colleagues have lost parents this year, and I gave my support when they were kind enough to let me in emotionally and mailed a helpful book to one of them. Another is going through a difficult situation that I have also navigated so I shared my advice to lift her burden. As a manager, I encouraged my team to take the time off needed to mourn a family member’s loss. In my case, when I faced a personal tragedy, one colleague sent inspirational gifts and checked in often to support me, my manager afforded me time away from work to heal, and my mentor shared his own similar story in an act of solidarity and vulnerability.
In my personal circles, one friend is living through an impossible situation so we had a socially distance walk and I treated her to coffee. I tried to send a meal to her temporary location which didn’t work out but I will follow through when she returns home. Another is helping her mother go through serious medical treatment, so I sent soup to be delivered on a Jewish holiday since they didn’t get to celebrate.
Small acts heal big.
Let’s act with compassion, even at work
While everyone has their own challenges and opportunities, getting to know the people we work with on a human level affords us the opportunity to be vulnerable and open to accepting their compassionate acts, and to get to know what they’re going through and do something to alleviate it. As we approach a new year, let’s challenge ourselves to take actions in response to others’ hurt – send an uplifting email or card, share a funny video, donate to a cause that’s important to them, share a book or advice, make an extra meal for someone, treat someone to lunch delivery, extend a deadline, or throw out the meeting agenda to have a human to human conversation.
What compassionate actions have you witnessed, been on the receiving end of, or taken this year? Share in the comments below to inspire and encourage others to act, and not just feel. Ready, set, get compassionate!
Ready to learn more about how to build high quality career relationships, including bringing compassion to the workplace? Explore The Knock Method and sign up for the VIP list to be the first to know when the book launches in March 2021!
